Holidays

If it weren't for the days off from work, I think I would hate holidays. I am beginning to hate them now, because I spend them alone.

In my previous life...I was part of a big family, and there was something going on at someone's house all the time. Barbecue, dinner, or just a gathering of folks.

I hung out for a short while with someone today, but he was really not anyone that I wanted to spend time with. I called a few people on my A-list, but they were all busy...Damn, am I now on that list of people they don't really want to spend time with?

I am so tired of spending time alone. I like to think that my personality is enjoyable, unlike this blog, I really try not to let people know how depressed I am. I know some folks that always complain, and have negative comments. I don't do that.

I actually had a friend of mine say, "Oh, you get depressed? You are so upbeat." But by spending so much time alone now, it is really getting hard to be happy. Even when I do get out, I am by myself, and I don't want to be. True there are offers sometimes to hang out with someone, but should I hang, just to not be lonely?

Yes, I get depressed...and I am finding this one hard to climb out of...Oh, maybe I should run outside and start dancing to the music of the fool in the car with it turned up too loud. Uhh, no, I'll just wipe my tears away and go talk to my dog.