Monday, May 29, 2006


If it weren't for the days off from work, I think I would hate holidays. I am beginning to hate them now, because I spend them alone.

In my previous life...I was part of a big family, and there was something going on at someone's house all the time. Barbecue, dinner, or just a gathering of folks.

I hung out for a short while with someone today, but he was really not anyone that I wanted to spend time with. I called a few people on my A-list, but they were all busy...Damn, am I now on that list of people they don't really want to spend time with?

I am so tired of spending time alone. I like to think that my personality is enjoyable, unlike this blog, I really try not to let people know how depressed I am. I know some folks that always complain, and have negative comments. I don't do that.

I actually had a friend of mine say, "Oh, you get depressed? You are so upbeat." But by spending so much time alone now, it is really getting hard to be happy. Even when I do get out, I am by myself, and I don't want to be. True there are offers sometimes to hang out with someone, but should I hang, just to not be lonely?

Yes, I get depressed...and I am finding this one hard to climb out of...Oh, maybe I should run outside and start dancing to the music of the fool in the car with it turned up too loud. Uhh, no, I'll just wipe my tears away and go talk to my dog.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Until the Fog Clears

I guess I was in a thicker fog than I realized. I thought that
after we exchanged phone numbers, maybe we
would talk at least once. Even if it was only to say I made a mistake...I had too many drinks I didn't mean to give you my phone number.

I was mistaken when you asked me questions like you were trying to keep the conversation going. I guess you were talking out loud to yourself. No you were talking to me...You waited for me to respond. I know you did. I should be able to move on.

We have friends in common, so I know you haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I know for a fact that you haven't left town indefinitely to take care of your sick mother. Hell, I know you don't have a sick mother.

I also have to pass your job everyday to get to mine. So of course I think & wonder where you are. I should get over you. But daily you creep into my thoughts.

What is it about you? Maybe it is that long dimple in your left cheek. Maybe it is your dyed hair. Ahh you didn't think I knew, huh. But I do. Maybe it is just the mystery of you.

Ok, so I am in a fog...when will it clear?

Sunday, May 14, 2006


I was out today, Mothers Day, at a festival today. I titled this When, because I have these questions in my head about my people. It seems that the police were there directing traffic & for crowd control.

When did it become ok to wear a halter top with a "non-strapless" bra?
When did it become ok to wear Low rise pants & a high-rise top so the roll of fat that you call your stomach could show?
When did it become ok to wear a short, short skirt in a size 22 when you are a size 26?

I could go on, but I am going to eat, and some of those sights back in my thoughts before I eat, well just weren't very appetizing.